The S Word: Navigating Sexuality in the Workplace
A lot of readers of our piece (especially male) have become mildly obsessed with the quote we include wherein one of us was told to “use their sexuality” to get ahead. The question of sex, and sexuality, in the workplace is a tricky one. As one Newsweek commenter put it, “Women have internalized that the only way we can get ahead is to give head.” We don’t agree, but let’s try to unpack the S word a little.
The reality is that a woman’s appearance, her attractiveness, or, sure, her sexuality, can be a powerful tool. And there’s no question that men are affected by it. They just are. (As our favorite Newsweek commenter put it, “no matter how much I respect my female co-workers, I eventually think about putting my hands on their chest.”) Removing sex entirely from the workplace is an impossible proposition. As Nora Ephron told us, humans are sexual beings. “You simply can’t have it that 16 hours a day you have sexual feelings and for 8 hours you don’t.”
The problem is, when men hold all the power, that tool turns into a double-edged sword. On the one hand, catching a superior’s eye can mean more face time, opportunities to talk about your ideas, and so on. On the other, any subsequent promotions or success will be poisoned by self-doubt: was it because I deserved it or because my boss likes the way I look?
Once upon a time, working women hid all semblance of feminine attractiveness for purely this reason. But as young women, we balk at having to subvert our sexuality. Which is fine when we’re roaming the halls of the high school cafeteria, or out at happy hour, but when we’re hunched over our cubicles in a male-dominated workplace, its easy to spin into a paralyzing cycle of self-doubt.
So what do we do? Once there are really enough women at the top, these issues won’t matter so much. Our male boss can ogle us and his female counterpart can roll her eyes. But until then, what to do? Back to boxy “Working Girl” suits?
