How to Ask For a Raise: Be Nice, But Not Too Nice. Be Self-Confident, But Not Pushy. And So On. Sigh.
We know how important advice like this is. Believe us, we do. But still, this piece, in the New York Times, just has us sighing and shaking our heads. It summarizes a study showing that women, duh, need to take a different tack when negotiating a raise—one that lets them ask for what they deserve without seeming, you know, pushy, or, god forbid, “unattractive.”
Yes, the advice itself is good. The problem is, it’s so damn complicated! It’s also dependent, unquestionably, on maintaining your role as a “good girl.” Some highlights:
- Avoid undermining your relationship with your boss.
- Explain why your request is appropriate, but in terms that also communicate that you care about maintaining good relationships at work.
- Instead of explaining why you deserve a raise directly, frame it in terms of why it makes sense for the organization or the person you’re trying to persuade.
- If you’re thinking about using an outside offer to help negotiate a raise, take heed. It’s effective …but studies have found that it tends to leave a more negative impression on women.
- Before you even start negotiating for a raise, or a promotion, consider how it might affect your life at home
The best advice, in our opinion? Talk to each other. Salary transparency, as many have argued, may be the best possible way to resolve the pay gap. So, dearests, please do as we’ve just done. Go to glassdoor.com and tell them what you make. For all our sakes.
